11/14/2007 - The doctor said to keep his feet up!

i guess i'm posting this one because i wrote about Sarah Parker - who didn't win her battle with brain cancer.  this was when we first found out about it.  :(

so with the help of 2 pillows and a boppy (which at this point has turned out to be one of the most valuable baby gifts we received... that and the rainforest gym... and i can't forget to mention the bath tub and the stroller/babyseat and the playpen, where he slept for the first 5 weeks).

anyway, i'm sure all the gifts will come in handy at some point in time, like all the diapers (that are already used up) and the wipes (almost all used too) and the blankets (which i have tended to favor 1 or 2 so far, but i'm sure the rest will be used in time).

this blog was not supposed to be about useful baby things. i wanted to blog about the amount of anxiety and emotion that is experienced when a child is sick. even though he wasn't even sick, he was having surgery at our request.

so it is horrible worrying about if he'll hurt and if he'll wake. and for no reason did i worry because i know that the little tiny surgery he had was NOTHING compared to some... like the babies in NICU that have open heart surgery by the time they are 4 days old. the doctor and nurses and anesthesiologists were wonderful, very sympathetic to my tears. they spoke softly and caringly "i'll treat him like he was my own" i remember hearing one of the anesth. say as hey wrapped him in a white blanket and laid him on the tiny little hospital bed. the nurse raised the rails, looked at me and said "do you want to kiss him again?" but i didn't, because i didn't think i could reach him over the rails of the bed. besides, i'd given him 10000000 kisses that morning already.

he had such a good morning, smiling and kicking as he laid on the bed. i turned the tv on (which was right above his bed). he watched it with intent, he does love the lights. and he was so happy lying there on the bed, i wanted to pick him up and hold him tight, but i just let him lie there and kick.

the little gown i put on him was pink, which made all the nurses call him a she/her. i wonder if they do that to all the little boys. i liked him in the gown because when i held him i could feel the skin of his back, so warm and soft. its funny that as much as i hold him, i rarely really hold HIM because of all the clothes he is wearing. even his softest clothes aren't as soft as his skin. the only time i really get to touch him as i hold him is on the way to the tub, we strip on the bed (even the diaper comes off) and i carry him to the tub. he loves taking baths. he kicks and coos, and when i pour water on his belly, it usually washes over his chin and he sticks his tongue out to taste.

so it was very emotional to have them wheel away my baby. this morning, mom called with news about one of melissa's neighbor's child who has recently been diagnosed with brain cancer. she is 2. her parents have a website and have blogged about their ongoing experiences with the doctors, hospitals, procedures, and sarah's spirit. it is so great to see a child so unknowing of the severity of her condition, as she seems to be living life just like a normal 2 year old. but her parents.. i can not imagine what they are going through. i can't magine the tears they have shed thus far and all the tears yet to come. i can't imagine the way her mother feels when they take away her baby girl. unlike rocket, she isn't just getting toes removed!

read about her here and PLEASE PLEASE pray for her. even if you aren't the praying kind, do it anyway. reading their blog makes me feel so selfish for worrying about rocket. my baby boy is safe and healing in the comforts of our home... with no expectation on revisiting the hospital! there are so many more things to pray for... like the folks who really need it!