you know, there aren't many things that i lose sleep over. here lately, though, i've come to the realization that i have an issue with feeding my baby.
my milk never came in with kendal. this fact surfaced at a bad time... during the first week of his life. he was jaundiced (because he wasn't getting enough fluid to flush out his bilirubins), i was an emotional 1-week post-partum (all those hormones were leaving my body), and his doctor said the worst thing in the world to me... "you need supplement with formula." after 10 months of KNOWING i would breastfeed, i had to adapt.
how would this affect my relationship with my baby? would we still bond? will he still be healthy? will i still loose baby weight as fast? will my uterus shrink like it is supposed to? i remember my sister telling me when it was all happening "formula is good too, you just probably will never have a fat baby." well... i wanted a fat baby. i wanted a fat baby raised on home-grown milk.
now i have friends who never breastfed. they never wanted to, and i certainly never judged them. but, coming from a family of breastfeeders... (my mom nursed all 3 of us, plus my sister did all 3 of hers, etc.) i had my mind set on breastfeeding. having to accept the fact that i couldn't feed my own child made me extremely depressed and upset - i felt like a failure. i remember crying for days, especially when i tried to pump. (it took me SEVERAL weeks before i didn't cry and/or would let nathaniel even be in the room with me while i was trying to pump.)
time passed, my milk really didn't ever come in... after 6 weeks of pumping, i never could supply kendal with more than 4 ounces of breastmilk A DAY (less than 20% of his total diet). usually, though, my daily (cumulative) volume was more like 2 or 3 ounces... and i pumped EACH time he ate.
anyway... long story short (too late?) -
here comes baby #2 and what i lose more sleep over is what i'm going to do as far as feeding. do i want to try breastfeeding again? what if i can't, will i have the same emotional results as before? if i don't even try, am i letting her or myself down? in these times of cutting back costs, is it wasteful for me not to even try (as formula costs over $60/week to feed a growing 6 month old)?
well, i have a confession. we can consider this my "postsecret" that will never post.
(FEEDING PART 2: the confession)
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
FEEDING PART 1: dry well
you know, there aren't many things that i lose sleep over. here lately, though, i've come to the realization that i have an issue with feeding my baby.
my milk never came in with kendal. this fact surfaced at a bad time... during the first week of his life. he was jaundiced (because he wasn't getting enough fluid to flush out his bilirubins), i was an emotional 1-week post-partum (all those hormones were leaving my body), and his doctor said the worst thing in the world to me... "you need supplement with formula." after 10 months of KNOWING i would breastfeed, i had to adapt.
how would this affect my relationship with my baby? would we still bond? will he still be healthy? will i still loose baby weight as fast? will my uterus shrink like it is supposed to? i remember my sister telling me when it was all happening "formula is good too, you just probably will never have a fat baby." well... i wanted a fat baby. i wanted a fat baby raised on home-grown milk.
now i have friends who never breastfed. they never wanted to, and i certainly never judged them. but, coming from a family of breastfeeders... (my mom nursed all 3 of us, plus my sister did all 3 of hers, etc.) i had my mind set on breastfeeding. having to accept the fact that i couldn't feed my own child made me extremely depressed and upset - i felt like a failure. i remember crying for days, especially when i tried to pump. (it took me SEVERAL weeks before i didn't cry and/or would let nathaniel even be in the room with me while i was trying to pump.)
time passed, my milk really didn't ever come in... after 6 weeks of pumping, i never could supply kendal with more than 4 ounces of breastmilk A DAY (less than 20% of his total diet). usually, though, my daily (cumulative) volume was more like 2 or 3 ounces... and i pumped EACH time he ate.
anyway... long story short (too late?) -
here comes baby #2 and what i lose more sleep over is what i'm going to do as far as feeding. do i want to try breastfeeding again? what if i can't, will i have the same emotional results as before? if i don't even try, am i letting her or myself down? in these times of cutting back costs, is it wasteful for me not to even try (as formula costs over $60/week to feed a growing 6 month old)?
well, i have a confession. we can consider this my "postsecret" that will never post.
(FEEDING PART 2: the confession)
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I'll tell you... breastfeeding is hard. It has been a decision that I have NEVER regretted, though. Now... not that you asked... but my opinion is that you try. I think it isn't for everybody. But if you don't try, then you will always ask why didn't I try again. You'll know within about 4 days whether your milk is going to come in this time or not. Then decide. To *exclusively* breastfeed takes LOTS of dedication. Not being able to give the baby to anybody else to feed gets VERY frustrating at times. And, as my 34% by weight active baby can attest, breastfeeding doesn't equal fat baby :-) All four of mine have been breastfed and only 2 were fat babies. Doesn't make them less cute :-)
ReplyDeleteSo anyway... don't lose sleep. You'll do what is right. You are right, though... it is SO expensive to formula feed. But you guys have 2 paychecks :-p
okay... rambling