FEEDING PART 2: the confession

i'd make my own postcard to put on here, but i just simply don't have the time - this (stolen) image will just have to do! after all that pro-breastfeeding talk yesterday, i thought maybe i'd start with a list of CONS for breastfeeding.

patience and persistence to achieve the proper latch, which kendal and i never really established except when the nurses helped in the hospital.

frequency in feedings and not knowing how much your baby is getting

having to pump just to get a night out or to have a (or several) glass(es) of wine

watching what you eat (because the pregnancy diet is suggested during breastfeeding... including avoiding spicy foods!)

discomfort (i.e. engorged breasts, sore nipples, etc.)

what about dad? i know he would want to help, but I'M also the only one that can breastfeed. (it makes him feel helpless, i'm sure)

i know these cons are mostly selfish things, i also know that breastfeeding is "BEST" for the baby. however, today’s formulas are held to the highest standards in regards to an infants’ nutritional intake. they’re also produced in extremely sterile conditions. bottle feeding also introduces several benefits (and disadvantages) depending on lifestyle. after our "bad" first visit to the pediatrician (when they told me of his jaundice and about supplementing with formula), he ate from a bottle exclusively. although i did pump for 6 weeks, the majority of what kendal ate came from a powder. some of the benefits of bottle feeding with kendal were (as you can see, i've really given this a lot of thought!):

• convenience: i could leave kendal with a his dad or a caregiver (a.k.a the grandparents). plus at night, nathaniel and i could take shifts... he took the first night feeding, i took the second. of coarse for the first 6 weeks, i pumped everytime he ate no matter who was feeding him.
• i can eat/drink what i want when i want (say goodbye to that pregnancy diet!)
• i always knew exactly how much he consumed. this was very important when it came to his recovering from jaundice because i knew when he needed to eat and how much he'd want. i kept a log of what/when he ate, peed, and pooped (the amt of breastmilk and formula separately) for his first 6 weeks.
• less feedings which i can control (simply because formula fed babies usually need to eat less because it digests much slower than breast milk)
• no boobs are exposed when feeding the baby... i didn't have to deal with my shyness issues, didn't have to remove myself from a room to feed, didn't even have to worry about "leaks."
• dad gets to bond just as i do! nathaniel was a great bottle feeder... i always thought it was so sweet watching kendal look up into his eyes (just like he did mine when i bottle fed). i know it also helped nathaniel accept his role of father and caretaker.
• and, not that this was exactly a benefit, but kendal proved to me that you don't have to breastfeed a baby to make him 'fat.' (like my sister mentioned in her comment on part 1...), kendal was always at the "top of the chart" for growth (length and weight). he was SO plump at 6 or 7 months... just like a baby should be. obviously, formula fed babies can be fat. and... obviously breastfed babies can be string beans (sam, faith)!!! so, i don't really worry about that now, which less worrying i suppose is a benefit, right?

naturally, there is the other side of the coin:

expense (already discussed in part 1 how much formula costs!!!) not to mention that last time we bought one of the $400 breast pumps... that was used for only 6 weeks. i feel like i am obligated to try and use it again to kinda offset that $400 cost!

absence of antibodies (however, kendal didn't even get sick until he started daycare at 11 months, so he must have gotten enough antibioties in that 6 weeks of "breastmilk supplementing"!)

having to lug around sterilized bottles and nipples (what happens when your baby needs one more feeding before you reach your destination and you have no more bottles or formula?) this goes double if you are pumping... because you have to prepare to pump when you are out and about, and having clean, sterile equipment is a must.

washing bottles every day (kendal at his peak was taking 5 to 6 bottles a day - we had to wash them EVERY day, even when we went camping!)

mixing powder or concentrated formulas to the correct specifications while you’re half asleep in the middle of the night (but now that we discovered pre-mixing and the microwave, this may be easier for the next baby)

choices, choices, choices (just how many variations of these things do they have? fortunately kendal just took the plain enfamil, but they have formulas for lactose intolerant, sensitive stomach, etc. all which cost increasingly more based on its specialty!)

so, i'm writing all this to say that i am going to try to breastfeed. << confession >> honestly, i secretly hope my milk doesn't come in (again) so i can just formula/bottle feed. i feel horrible about this lack of desire to breastfeed, and i really do loose sleep over it! just last night i had nightmares about it!