funny realities

one of my friends sent me these in an email. 

most all of them made me laugh. 

i had to post it.

1. I think part of a best friend's job should 

be to immediately clear your computer history 

if you die.  

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during 

an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't 

want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How are you really supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their 

directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know 

how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting 

if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least 

kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, 

but there comes a moment at work when you 

know that you just aren't going to do anything 

productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever 

comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have 

to restart my collection... again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit

out of Word and it asks me if I want to save 

any changes to my ten-page research paper that 

I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" 

means I will never wash this. Ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the 

last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately 

call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. 

What did you do after I didn't answer? 

Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and 

looking good and then not seeing anyone of 

importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my 

phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet 

on any given Friday or Saturday night more 

kisses begin with Chardonnay than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" 

routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I 

watched when I was younger and suddenly realize 

I had no idea what the heck was going on 

when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic 

grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips 

to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light 

is when I'm trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the 

fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say 

"What?" before you just nod and smile because 

you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an 

entire line of cars team up to prevent some 

idiot from cutting in at the front.

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. 

Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can 

wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber 

and dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond 

you're sure you are going to die after leaning your 

chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a 

pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what 

the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive 

times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble 

locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their 

cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey 

 - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push 

the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds,

 eyes closed, first time, every time.