wow. today i can look at myself in the mirror and see the bags under my eyes. really, i can MORE see my wrinkles.
why do i have bags? because i didn't sleep last night. why did i not sleep? because it was [possibly] storming outside.
i woke up at 12:30 to kendal crying. he has a cold, he was having trouble breathing (he needed to cough). nathaniel picked him up and brought him to our bed. i could have gone back to sleep, BUT i saw it lightening outside. i also could hear the rain and wind (although it was probably no more than a sprinkle and 5 to 10 mph wind at that point). so what happened for the rest of the night? i tossed. i turned. i cracked the windows (so i could hear if any trees were breaking). i drank water. i peed. i paced the hall. i turned on the tv, flipping from one weather channel to another for 20 to 30 minutes at a time. i tossed, i turned...
this is nothing new for me. everytime we have a storm, i get this way. loss of breath, sweating, frequent urination, tremors/twitches, dry mouth, shaking, heart palpitations, insomnia, fear of dying ... all signs of an anxiety attack. even when i get up to pee and it is lightening outside, i wait until i see the lightening (which usually means there will be a break for a moment after), get up and run to the toilet, shut my eyes tight and put my hands over them, pee, and then keep them shut tight until i finish and flush, then RUN back to bed. if it lightenings when i'm running to or from, chills run up my spine so much that i feel like i have to throw up.
and this happens EVERYTIME we have a [potential] storm. even if it is at 3pm and it is light enough outside that i can see what is happening. or at 2am and there is only one or two lightening flashes from a storm so far away that you can't even hear the thunder.
i'm glad kendal was in the bed with me, because if he would have been in his own bed, i would have been even more stressed that a tree would fall on our house where his room is and crush him.
maybe that is why the ONLY time it is OK for maggie to be on the couch during the day or out of her crate at night is when it storms. i'm sure last night she was snuggled up tight to someone's knees (not mine though!!!)
anyone have any ideas on how to get over this phobia? or even more importantly, not pass it on to my children?
Saturday, September 6, 2008
do you suffer from storm phobia?
wow. today i can look at myself in the mirror and see the bags under my eyes. really, i can MORE see my wrinkles.
why do i have bags? because i didn't sleep last night. why did i not sleep? because it was [possibly] storming outside.
i woke up at 12:30 to kendal crying. he has a cold, he was having trouble breathing (he needed to cough). nathaniel picked him up and brought him to our bed. i could have gone back to sleep, BUT i saw it lightening outside. i also could hear the rain and wind (although it was probably no more than a sprinkle and 5 to 10 mph wind at that point). so what happened for the rest of the night? i tossed. i turned. i cracked the windows (so i could hear if any trees were breaking). i drank water. i peed. i paced the hall. i turned on the tv, flipping from one weather channel to another for 20 to 30 minutes at a time. i tossed, i turned...
this is nothing new for me. everytime we have a storm, i get this way. loss of breath, sweating, frequent urination, tremors/twitches, dry mouth, shaking, heart palpitations, insomnia, fear of dying ... all signs of an anxiety attack. even when i get up to pee and it is lightening outside, i wait until i see the lightening (which usually means there will be a break for a moment after), get up and run to the toilet, shut my eyes tight and put my hands over them, pee, and then keep them shut tight until i finish and flush, then RUN back to bed. if it lightenings when i'm running to or from, chills run up my spine so much that i feel like i have to throw up.
and this happens EVERYTIME we have a [potential] storm. even if it is at 3pm and it is light enough outside that i can see what is happening. or at 2am and there is only one or two lightening flashes from a storm so far away that you can't even hear the thunder.
i'm glad kendal was in the bed with me, because if he would have been in his own bed, i would have been even more stressed that a tree would fall on our house where his room is and crush him.
maybe that is why the ONLY time it is OK for maggie to be on the couch during the day or out of her crate at night is when it storms. i'm sure last night she was snuggled up tight to someone's knees (not mine though!!!)
anyone have any ideas on how to get over this phobia? or even more importantly, not pass it on to my children?
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Hey, I can't believe that it is something that traumatized you as a child because you were the first to go outside with Dad to watch the storms. You loved that.
ReplyDeleteBut let's fast forward to Fran. You were here, and safe but not in control. You like to be in control of things around you. You are not in control of the storms so you get stressed out. You have to learn to give up a little control now and then. I'm surprised that you haven't accepted this yet. Storms aren't the enemy...loss of control is. Just remember that they usually don't last very long. Just go with the flow and accept what is happening. If you are really afraid, like Santucci used to be, clean out that little closet under the steps and get in there. You know, safest place. Take Kendall and Nathaniel with you! Or come on over here...there are no fleas in the basement this year!
that's a really creepy picture. Reminds me of the grudge... hated that movie.
ReplyDeleteYour mom is right; probably one of the reasons you dread storms is that you have no control (over the storm) and you do strike me as someone that wants to have control :-); you sorta remind me of ME.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you DO have control, though. Over how you react. If you are not able to "ignore" it, then, do what you must to feel safe, but try and do it calmly. No rushing madly about, no getting up and down countless times.
Kendal will learn by example. So, if he sees you freaking, it's likely he'll freak, too. He'll pick up on your anxiety and will learn that this is how he should behave.
So, calm, calm, calm; no big deal...deep breaths...etc.
Boy, I learned from my mom not to freak out in a storm. Ask Nathaniel about the potential tornado at Indy in '04! "Ok, so, here are some pillows for you head in case you need them. Now, who wants some meatloaf?"
Funny... I am quite the opposite. I sleep my absolute best during thunderstorms. If I am awake, I am glued to the door/window trying to see. I think it comes from taking meteorology classes as State. I know what is there and what to expect (my way of having a little control, I guess). Now, tornadoes are different. When G and I were at Leonard Wood, a tornado came through. I was still at the back door, trying to see. Finally somebody said "M, get back, you have a baby!" Now, I don't know why that hit me like it did, but now, I am satisfied watching the storm until it develops into that stage, then I will just watch on TV. Guess it is the responsibility of being a parent and having somebody else depend on you.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I really do love a storm. I wish I had a front porch to watch them from (other than my steps with metal rails... I am not that stupid).