the trees the dirt the garden
the light burns his eyes
Friday, March 12, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
bad things always happen when i'm on vacation.
its just the way it is. i leave, and someone gets sick or someone dies. i remember when i went to field camp the first time, dean pace died. the second time, it was frank sinatra. not that i knew him, but i'll never forget that he died while i was gone to field camp the second time. so this vacation was no different. about halfway through our florida trip i get a text message from kate (or mom, can't remember which) letting me know that granddaddy (dad's dad) had pneumonia and was in the franklin regional and uncle butch (dad's brother) had a collapsed lung and was at wake med. we've already experienced the collapsed lung before last year with granddaddy. so i wasn't really that worried about uncle butch. he has emphysema but other than that he seems healthy as an ox so i figure he'd be ok. granddaddy was not well when we left but it was because he had fallen down a couple of times so i didn't know he had any sort of respiratory illness. the week we left began his time with a sit-in nurse three days a week and dad sat with him the other two days because he wasn't safe all alone anymore. so now days have past and granddaddy's condition has worsened because he is not responding to antibiotics and now he also has been infected with a MRSA infection. uncle butch was supposed to have a surgery but it was postponed because of something that happened last night. i'm not sure what but they said it was his heart. either way the surgery will happen tomorrow and he's having half of one of his lungs removed. granddaddy will be moved to a local nursing home tomorrow. he likely will not survive this but i do not want to count him out yet. he comes from a long line of long-livers (his mom lived to be 102) and i just know he has some fight left in him. considering he's smoked his whole life except for a brief spell after his collapsed lung, he's way outlived his life expectancy. prior to the pneumonia (and MRSA) he was healthy as can be though miserable being alive. he can't see and he can't hear, and since my grandma died he just hasn't much to live for. his children visit all the time and i know he likes their company. i unfortunately do not visit him often though he is only 25 minutes away, but it is because it is sad to see him because he just tells me how there is nothing to do and nothing to see and he looks outside all the time. last time we went kendal sat in his lap (because kendal wanted to) and babbled to him. he is so old. he has only one real eye and that one hardly works as it is. i bet he only sees shadows. he only knows things from memories and if he had to live in a nursing home he'd never leave his bed. next they'd start pumping the same drugs into him that they do every other old person in the place that doesn't like to move and then they'll stop moving at all. it is always sad to see people in a nursing home like that. i understand why he'd hate it, it is all the wrong smells, cold, the wrong sounds and fabrics. he won't be able to smoke. dad won't be able to take him a piece of venison or a piece of banana cake to nibble on all day. in the nursing homes, you can't have food sitting around. so i know the bad part is that if he gets better, he'll be living in a nursing home. i hate that for him. but, i also know it is for the best. i hope he gets better. i just can't count him out. i want him to live obviously because he is my last granddaddy. he is my dad's only dad. and i can't imagine loosing my dad, no matter how sick or old he is, a person cannot be prepared to loose their father. i want him to live and be healthy and mobile and happy. not that it is my decision to make. i suppose i just pray that whatever is in THE plan for him that it is done as peacefully as possible, and in the mean time for the rest of us here with him or left behind are also comforted. especially those who are still in the hospital and can't even participate in anything. it just doesn't seem like the right time for him to go, not that i know what is right. i just hope that uncle butch will get well and home and so will granddaddy, and that the whole death thing can be explored at another time. just seems like everyone should have a little more fight left in them... on the other hand, i bet he is ready to see grandma. or, to simply SEE. two definite benefits of being in heaven.
i know this is a funny picture to post, but kendal wore a similar shaped hat all day today. funny that all day it reminded me of this picture. it is from dec. 1975 of my granddaddy.
i know this is a funny picture to post, but kendal wore a similar shaped hat all day today. funny that all day it reminded me of this picture. it is from dec. 1975 of my granddaddy.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
congrats to jay and justin
its not like me to use my blog as a political platform but i think this is one situation where i'd like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to my friend jay and his partner, justin - residents of DC - who, based on what i've read on jay's status updates, have now been married IN THE US. i remember when they met, i used to hang out at the mesh with jay (and other friends) every thursday night where justin worked as a bartender. i'm sure justin doesn't remember me, but i remember him. jay always had great taste in men. :) justin was quite the looker.
anyway, just moments ago, jay posted a picture on facebook of a gift from the DC superior court marriage bureau and i think, in this case, his picture is worth 1,000 words. i hope he doesn't mind me using it!
damn straight. it IS about time! up next: the repeal of don't ask don't tell! watch out 2010, changes are coming - where people are treated equally no matter their gender, race, or sexual preference! i am not threatened by a person's love for another... i admire it. love is love. god is love.
anyway, just moments ago, jay posted a picture on facebook of a gift from the DC superior court marriage bureau and i think, in this case, his picture is worth 1,000 words. i hope he doesn't mind me using it!
After living what I felt was a 'decent' life, my time on earth came to the end..
The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house..
The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.
As I looked around I saw the 'prosecutor.'
He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.
I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.
The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes.
He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off of Him.
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, 'Let us begin.'
The prosecutor rose and said,
'My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell.'
He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about.
As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all.
I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?
Satan finished with a fury and said, 'This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise.'
When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward.
As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty.
I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior. He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, 'Hi, Dad,' and then He turned to address the court.
'Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wages of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished.'
Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, 'However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine.'
My Lord continued with, 'His name is written in the Book of Life, and no one can snatch him from Me...
Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy.'
As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, 'There is nothing else that needs to be done.'
'I've done it all.'
The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips..
'This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full. 'Case dismissed.'
The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a court house..
The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.
As I looked around I saw the 'prosecutor.'
He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.
I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.
The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes.
He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off of Him.
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, 'Let us begin.'
The prosecutor rose and said,
'My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell.'
He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.
I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about.
As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at all.
I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?
Satan finished with a fury and said, 'This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise.'
When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward.
As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty.
I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior. He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge, 'Hi, Dad,' and then He turned to address the court.
'Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the wages of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished.'
Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, 'However, I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his Savior, so he is Mine.'
My Lord continued with, 'His name is written in the Book of Life, and no one can snatch him from Me...
Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy.'
As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, 'There is nothing else that needs to be done.'
'I've done it all.'
The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips..
'This man is free. The penalty for him has already been paid in full. 'Case dismissed.'
Monday, March 1, 2010
monday nap crayon mystery
kendal was sleeping and i went in his room to get an extra night-time diaper.
i noticed on the floor that all the crayons were lined up. (second photo is zoomed in of first...)
reminded me of the book tower from ghostbusters.
what does that say about my son??? cause i know he did it.
he does that to the cars too.
and the magnets on the fridge.
and his chicken nuggets.
and the spoons.
and the cups in the play kitchen.
i'm not worried because he is a GREAT pretender. and, he is a good talker and he looks me in the eye when he does it.
his newest word is "broken" except his K is pronounced like QUO (so it sounds like bwo-qwoin). he's discovering new sounds... it is adorable.
incidentally, about the crayons, at about 18 months, he used to line them up by color. rainbow-ish. but, not roy-g-biv. just whatever he started with he'd grade into the next and so on. i woud never have believed it if i didn't see it with my own eyes. i used to move one and he'd get mad.
he used to line trucks up front to back. i'd switch them around and that'd set him off too.
anyway, got to finish packin'....
i noticed on the floor that all the crayons were lined up. (second photo is zoomed in of first...)
reminded me of the book tower from ghostbusters.
what does that say about my son??? cause i know he did it.
he does that to the cars too.
and the magnets on the fridge.
and his chicken nuggets.
and the spoons.
and the cups in the play kitchen.
i'm not worried because he is a GREAT pretender. and, he is a good talker and he looks me in the eye when he does it.
his newest word is "broken" except his K is pronounced like QUO (so it sounds like bwo-qwoin). he's discovering new sounds... it is adorable.
incidentally, about the crayons, at about 18 months, he used to line them up by color. rainbow-ish. but, not roy-g-biv. just whatever he started with he'd grade into the next and so on. i woud never have believed it if i didn't see it with my own eyes. i used to move one and he'd get mad.
he used to line trucks up front to back. i'd switch them around and that'd set him off too.
anyway, got to finish packin'....
the tutu resurfaces
when i was cleaning out holly's closet, i got all the way back to the tutu i made her last easter. remember those pictures? she was so cute in it. there is actually one of her on her wall (a picture of her in the tutu at 3 months old...)
so i put it back on her. she was a little weird about it at first but once she looked in the mirror, well, her x gene came out full force. she danced and kept her hands moving all around. it is funny how even at 14 months she knows how to dance like a ballerina! (yes, we are still wearing christmas PJs!)
here are some pictures of her in it... and then kendal wanted his picture taken too. i told him to smile and here's what i got. not smiles. he had his monster pose on. guess that is what a 2 year old thinks is a smile!
so i put it back on her. she was a little weird about it at first but once she looked in the mirror, well, her x gene came out full force. she danced and kept her hands moving all around. it is funny how even at 14 months she knows how to dance like a ballerina! (yes, we are still wearing christmas PJs!)
here are some pictures of her in it... and then kendal wanted his picture taken too. i told him to smile and here's what i got. not smiles. he had his monster pose on. guess that is what a 2 year old thinks is a smile!
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